It is now about a month before my supposed due date. But looking back, last Saturday the doctor told me that the baby is already 35 weeks. 37 weeks and it is ready to go. And I also got the sneaky feeling that the little guy is gonna pop sooner than a month.
And I'm nervous.
But anyone carrying a baby with closing in due date would, rite?
It is the delivery process of course. The idea of pushing a watermelon sized human outside through my vagina is not exactly a pleasant thing. But I try not to think about it. When he has to go, then he has to go. And I just have to push him out. Period.
It is also what's gonna happen after that. The husband and I have covered the basic knowledge and theory. The support systems are ready to go. It is I that I worry about.
You see, since I got pregnant, my body isn't behaving the way it used to be. It got malfunction a lot in all the wrong places. I got hospitalised, and I haven't been really myself after that. It has been a roller coaster ride with the baby on board. I got sick then got better, then sick again, then better again ...
Some would say that it's just prolly the baby. After the delivery, everything will be just fine.
Really?
This is my dark side talking, in case you have thought I have no dark side at all.
Anyway, the worry is here. I'm acknowledging it. It is really here.
Oh well, I guess we'll know in less than a month if everything is gonna be ok.
If not, just as reminder. I'm still a happy person. I met the guy that I love and marry him. His presence literally changed my life. He might not know it, but I thank God every day for him.
If I got the chance to raise the kid with the husband, it will be perfect. If not, I guess I'm still a happy person anyway. Hopefully, this kid, and the dad, each of them, will be a happy person too :)
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