a strange feeling

it's a sense that you like every curve of their smile. that their eyes would take you into another world. that their laugh will end the world hunger ... well, at least your 'world hunger'. that you'd gladly do their dishes. that you'd cook for hours for them in a hot kitchen, like it was meant to be. and it's also a sense of knowing that they're not perfect but it's okay. really.

and when you're through with it, shook up and awakened, every fiber in your body would ache. as if you're addicted to their presence. your existence somehow becomes meaningless. everybody tells you that you're still alive, but you feel nothing like it. the sun would shine but you can only feel darkness seeping into your hollow soul. and deep down, you'd die the most painful death.

but if asked, upon resurrection, whether you'd do it again, going through the roller coaster of emotions, risking another depression lingers on your doorstep. with some unexplained reasons, you'd agree. maybe it's the elated feeling of belonging. maybe it's the unconditional acceptance. maybe it's the comfort of completion. maybe it's the dirty dishes. maybe you're insane.

whatever it is, it makes you have enough courage to risk dying again. leaving even the most logical personality dumbfounded with their own decisions. you'll probably torch yourself with fire, burn so bright, and fall to the ground as ashes. you don't care. you'll die harder.

a strange feeling, love is. really.

he's here!

So ...

The baby is here!

The little guy was born through spontaneous birth and I don't want to talk about it :D

Anyhow, he was 3,3kg and 50cm. Pretty long for a little guy. The husband and I decided to name him Nara.
And I haven't slept ever since. And I'll leave you to that.

Camel Laptop Sleeve

After a rather dark post the other day, I was feeling a bit better. Well, I tend to be a bit darker and sadistic when I got ill. So there you are.

Anyhow, the health improved somehow, maybe because I'm already past my due date and my hormones, especially my estrogen, already dropped. So, right now, I am waiting for my contractions. The husband is pretty tense about the delivery while I, the person who gonna give birth, try to be as calm as possible. Kinda remind me of that English sign from the beginning World War II.

Calm On!

So I tried to keep myself busy doing stuff. The sewing machine was serviced and it's ready to roll again a week ago. And the husband's birthday is coming up. So what one with impulsive tendency to sew would do? Eat banana and watch some movies.

Of course I sew.

He just got a brand new laptop in fuschia. Kinda a weird color for a guy to have a fuschia laptop, so I decided that manning-up the laptop was the perfect project. I'm gonna make him a laptop sleeve. Plus, I found this really gorgeous tutorial to make an amazing laptop sleeve online.

I used an old t-shirt with a camel picture on it. It's grey, so I think it will serve the purpose of manning-up the laptop. But since I was once tiny, in a skinny kind of way, the t-shirt is a skinny one and there aren't much fabric to it. And I should've took a picture of it, but I forgot. Preggers thing.

But I remember to take a picture after it's done! No worries!

Here's the front (or back, it doesn't matter)

As you can see the picture is a bit off-center. I tried to make an efficient pattern placement with the fabric I had, but in the end had to settle with a bit off-center picture. And since it's a t-shirt, I used an iron-on interfacing to make the fabric more stable.

that's the fuschia laptop in there

with the laptop inside

I use centimeters most of the times and this time since the pattern pieces uses formula in inches, I used inches instead. I made several error on sizing but managed to make it a rather tight sleeve. But I thought It's just because the lining hasn't stretched out yet. I used grey felt to keep it warm and snuggly inside and velcro to close the flap.

The husband was surprised that the bedridden wife was able to whip up such project in one day. Bottom line, he's pretty happy. After he said thank you, he started reading a book and made me feel I should've sown a book sleeve instead.

Oh well, what can you do. Keep calm and carry on it is.

on this pregnancy

It is now about a month before my supposed due date. But looking back, last Saturday the doctor told me that the baby is already 35 weeks. 37 weeks and it is ready to go. And I also got the sneaky feeling that the little guy is gonna pop sooner than a month.

And I'm nervous.

But anyone carrying a baby with closing in due date would, rite?


It is the delivery process of course. The idea of pushing a watermelon sized human outside through my vagina is not exactly a pleasant thing. But I try not to think about it. When he has to go, then he has to go. And I just have to push him out. Period.

It is also what's gonna happen after that. The husband and I have covered the basic knowledge and theory. The support systems are ready to go. It is I that I worry about.

You see, since I got pregnant, my body isn't behaving the way it used to be. It got malfunction a lot in all the wrong places. I got hospitalised, and I haven't been really myself after that. It has been a roller coaster ride with the baby on board. I got sick then got better, then sick again, then better again ...

Some would say that it's just prolly the baby. After the delivery, everything will be just fine.

Really?


This is my dark side talking, in case you have thought I have no dark side at all.

Anyway, the worry is here. I'm acknowledging it. It is really here.


Oh well, I guess we'll know in less than a month if everything is gonna be ok.

If not, just as reminder. I'm still a happy person. I met the guy that I love and marry him. His presence literally changed my life. He might not know it, but I thank God every day for him.

If I got the chance to raise the kid with the husband, it will be perfect. If not, I guess I'm still a happy person anyway. Hopefully, this kid, and the dad, each of them, will be a happy person too :)

another sewing episode

My husband always says that when I'm into something, I'm INTO something.
I never really admit realize it until he pointed it out to my face.

And apparently what I did with editing, I do so with sewing.

After venturing with plushies and starting to ran out of animals to make, I decided that I should move on to something for me. The plushies are not for me, of course. it's for the baby, which will be due in 7 weeks.

So I went out online and searched for simple and easy to do projects. There were wallets, another plushie, baby boots (yeah, .. i know, something for me) and many others. But I got so frustrated with the detailed tutorials. I guess I'm not into following anyone's orders today. So eventually I ended up making a pillow out of a t-shirt. Which was something I was planning to do anyway since a while back. No patterns, no tutorials. Let's see what's gonna happen.

The t-shirt itself is a treasure for me. A couple of years back, when I was super-thin, I went to Bangkok and bought t-shirts with camera pictures on it. I bought two with two different sizes. One is smaller, the white one. I say, when you find something that you really like, you should buy more than one, just in case. So I bought two, one in white, the other in grey.

Needless to say, in accordance to my comfortability level in my ex-office, I soon grew out of the white one. And of course, now, with a baby on the way, I'm pretty sure will never fit into it again.

Done with several measurements, I found out that the pillow can't be bigger than 38x38cm. The standard size is 40x40cm here. So I guess I have to make the inside myself too, eh?

So be it.

Several sewing disasters later, I managed to have this on my bed.

on the right is the other t-shirt

Now, if you don't mind, I need to welcome this new member of my bed.

What? The grey one? I still dream that I will fit into it again one day :)